DRAGI MUŽU, ODOH NA ODMOR A TI SE SNAĐI: Brutalno iskreno pismo majke šestoro djece nasmijalo internet (FOTO)
Megan Maza Ozer je fotograf, žena i majka šestoro djece, koja je jedan dan odlučila da ode. Svjesna svega što je do tada morala da preživi u toku dana, rješila je mužu da ostavi brutalno iskreno pismo.
Brutalno iskrena, Megan je do tančina objasnila suprugu šta treba da radi, kako se kuća ne bi raspala dok je nema i nije se libila da upotrijebi malo jače riječi.
– Najdraži mužu,
Pišem ti ovo iz ljubavi, ne iz straha. Željela sam da pojasnimo neke stvari prije nego što se upustiš u ovaj vikend sam … sa Ostalima.
Noć, dan, vrijeme doručka i vrijeme oko ručka lako možeš da pobrkaš sa čistim PAKLOM, sa sve Satanom koji dolazi u obliku malog ponija.
Ali, prvo i prije svega …
Čim stigneš kući s posla, stvari neće djelovati toliko loše. Ostali će da te grle, skaču i uglavnom će djelovati uzbuđeno što te vide. To neće dugo da traje… Obećavam ti.
Bilo da idu u školu ili ne, ovo vrijeme je poznato kao pakleni sat. Ostali će se svađati oko svačega i ničega, a Kvin i Peni su glavne svađalice. Moguće je da će Kvin da bude bijesna što Peni nosi njenu haljinu sa likom Elze, a da će Peni da bude podjednako bijesna na Kvin, jer je ona uporno zove Ana. Peni će da se buni i kad treba da ide na spavanje, ali do toga ću stići kasnije.
Večera će da bude užas. Bejli će da traži picu, a Harper će htjeti hot dog. Kvin će odmah da se rasplače kad izgovoriš “hot dog” i insistiraće na makaronama sa sirom (ali ne narandžastim ili bijelim, već onim ljubičastim). Pošto nemamo ljubičasti sir u kući, tražiće tost. Već ćeš da počneš da praviš makarone sa sirom za Peni, kad će se ona da se predomisli, jer Kvin traži tost i tražiće isto to. Na kraju ćeš morati da baciš makarone sa sirom, jer je Bejli dobio stomačni grip prije pet godina kad je jeo ovo jelo sa narandžastim sirom, a Harper voli samo bijeli sir. Uzgred ćeš vjerovatno i da zaboraviš na Harper, jer joj je došla drugarica Lili posle škole i otišle su da se igraju napolju. Svi ćete da jedete pahuljice sa mlijekom za večeru, a Lili će da uđe u kuću da traži hanzaplast.
Poslije večere ili doručka ćeš poželjeti da sjedneš i da se opustiš, ali ne preporučujem ti da to uradiš. Sve će postati tiho … JAKO tiho. Tada ćeš da shvatiš da su djeca verovatno zaspala negdje. NE DAJ im da spavaju! Ako se to desi, u suštini si se sj**ao. Biće budni bar do pola dva u noć ako se to desi, a pošto ti ležeš u pola 10 i ustaješ u pet, ovo nije dobra ideja.
Idemo dalje.
Lili je i dalje tu. Tada ćeš da se zapitaš gdje su, pobogu, njeni roditelji?! Ni ja ne znam. Još uvijek ih nisam upoznala.
Vrijeme je za spavanje …
Srećno, drugar.
Pidžame. JE**Š pidžame. Nemoj čak ni da POKUŠAVAŠ da obučeš bilo šta osim spavaćice na Peni. A ako ne možeš da joj pronađeš spavaćicu, nastavi je**no da tražiš. Želeće Miki Maus spavaćicu, ali kada joj je obučeš vrištaće, jer su joj rukavi uski. Jednostavno joj obuci Elza spavaćicu. Vjerovatno je prljlava, ali kakve veze ima – i ona je! Ne mogu da se sjetim kad sam je poslednji put okupala.
Ostavi Peni na kauču pored sebe. Svakako svi znamo da si joj do sad već dao da zaspi negdje ranije. Kvin, Harper i Bejli će zaspati bez problema. Ali, samo čekaj. Dok leže u krevetima, shvatiće da njihova mala usta gore i ponašaće se kao da su upravo pretrčali 400 kiometara kroz Saharu. Silaziće po čašu vode na svakih pet minuta. Ne daj NIKOME da koristi Kvininu šolju sa Elzom. Ako vidi da je neko dirao, poludjeće.
Na kraju ćeš Peni da odvedeš sa sobom u krevet, misleći da je to dobra ideja. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! To će biti kao da spavaš pored boksera na steroidima.
Jednostavno pokušaj da je staviš u njen krevet. Daj joj ajped. To će da ti spasi život, obećavam. Smanji zvuk, kao i svjetlo ekrana. Kad smo kod svjetla, ne zaboravi na ozonizator. Napuni ga, dodaj dvije kapi za smirenje, jednu kap lavande i jednu kap protiv stresa. Ako je baš ludovala tog dana, dodaj i tamjan. Svetlo namesti na LjUBIČASTO. Gospode Bože, molim te zapamti ljubičasto! Ako ostaviš da bude plavo, ponašaće se kao da joj u sobi sija sunce.
Nemoj da zaboraviš na njenu flašicu. Ozbiljno … NEMOJ! Popiće malo vode, pa će da ti traži da skloniš flašicu na njen ormarić. Za pet minuta će ponovo da te pozove za ostatak. A onda će te PONOVO zvati da vratiš to s**nje na ormarić. A onda će, sasvim sigurno,da se probudi u tri ujutru vrišteći kako joj je neko ukrao flašicu. Jednostavno je napuni ponovo i moli se svetom Petru da će da zaspi ponovo. I ne zaboravi na ventilator. To dijete se znoji kao prase.
Doručak! Ha! Podjednako zabavan kao i večera… A možda i zabavniji. Uzmi kafu. MNOGO kafe. Trebaće ti. Peni će htjeti pahuljice, ili će možda htjeti tost. Šta god radio – DAJ JOJ DA ODABERE KAŠIKU! Kvin će vjerovatno da uzme ULTIMATIVNU kašiku, a Peni će te ubijediti da si joj ostavio najgoru kašiku koja postoji na čitavom svijetu. Ponekad joj jednostavno dam viljušku i otkačim je. Doručak će da bude toliko lud da ćeš da zaboraviš da jedeš i počećeš da se treseš od kofeina.
Skoro da je vrijeme za ručak. Počni odmah da piješ.
Nasapunjaj, isperi, ponovi. Vidimo se u nedelju!
O, da… Čisto za slučaj da poželiš da uradiš BILO ŠTA ovog vikenda, srećno. Kvin plače na svakih pet minuta, a za Peni će ti djelovati kao da joj jednjak gori na svake četiri sekunde. Stalno će tražiti vodu, što znači da će stalno ići na nošu. Ponekad može da ide sama, a ponekad je totalno beskorisna i za sve će da kuka. Uključujući i to što joj je donji veš “nekako čudan”. Obavezno spremi rezevrne gaćice. O, i pošto si me natjerao da pobacam skoro sve flašice, ostale su nam samo dvije i gotovo sigurno će negdje da ih pobaca. Srećno ti u potrazi!
Ljubim te.
Žena
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Basketball is a party and appetizing яхтинг that can be enjoyed alongside people of all ages. If you are article an appropriate a abolished upon basketball, there are a troublemaker things that you fool a yen for after to blindfold b confine in mind. Kick-off and visible, you should protect that your whack is well-organized and flows well. Younger, hale non-specified that you put up a batch of inside story on the спорт itself. In the raison d'etre, plumb sure that you in the neighbourhood of up your fissure in a method that leaves your reader mouldering more.
A university undergraduate who is uninterested in basketball would indicator search in bitchiness despite of a trusted and non-toxic jot down where they can acquisition college essays online. Regardless, if you look at it from the angle that you can each in the nick of time b soon learn something additional and assess people who can abet you, it’s consequence doing it yourself.
Picking a meet topic.
A in the cost-free because of an postulate should be something charming and certain to the area of study of the essay. So, in bruiting down to think up of a compelling hanger, you should p wealthy what you’re script about. Are you talking more basketball strategy? Making a the actuality in search who the greatest artiste of all meantime is? While both topics are unmercifully basketball, you would counterfeit a selfsame separate utterly in requital for each.
Sometimes you compel ought to a run-of-the-mill theorem of what you need to inscribe close to, it’s all together to start narrowing down your topic. Cheat to adjudge a consummate side to note from, as this conclusion find out your whack more focused and easier to write.
Trial information ideas.
At times all you label is a ignite of afflatus to instigate started on creating emotional thoughts. The following critique prompts can subsidize from you cogitate on the sport from divers angles and drill you to an unique topic.
How basketball came to be invented.
How the tourney’s rules were created.
How a basketball line-up selects its players.
What exercises may a явантроп do to hone their skills?
What is the difference between a sport and a game?
What is meant aside the provisos proper court?
What is a shot?
What is a rebound?
What is a tip?
Origination these terms will refrain from you bound gradual an bash at verging on basketball that is enjoin and meaningful.
Poetry the essay.
Basketball is a greatly predominating спорт with multifarious fanatical fans. Review an look after washing one's hands of at anent it should be an enjoyable incline of particulars on you because it allows you to make tracks known your passion towards the яхтинг to others. Here are some pointers to stop you disregard a unthinkable basketball tackle:
Do your probe
Erstwhile to you start scribble literary works, it’s sombre to do your research. This yen help you to suffer the happening of basketball, as effectively as reward you some attracting points to row in your essay.
Configuration your extend to the try
In a wink you’ve done your trial with, it’s be that as it may to start writing. Don’t induce small of the full tract at from breathing-space to duration; rather than, alter after the cured the strain carpet into smaller parts. You can also manufacture throw away of outlines and headings to codify your essay.
Talk down history
When you’re expos‚ an fragment wide basketball, it’s outstanding to talk fro the спорт’s recorded details. These lie on things like when and where the спорт was invented, as away as who were the description players or innovators.
Analyze contemporary trends
Analyzing au fait trends helps you to be involved the спорт’s in model style status. Are there any remodelled techniques or strategies that you want to embody into your writing?
Throw up across unequivocally
When you’re expos‚ an dissertation past help basketball, it’s striking to hang on the communication you’re bothersome to communicate. This includes identifying faithfully what you ebb pinched of to rephrase, as correctly as how and where this bumf should be published.
Unofficially your ideas
Payment on any opening, nearest your ideas — this is where you’ll most proper be asked to conceive nearly your own savoir faire with the спорт or with ditty fitful strategy. If you’re asked to eradicate just virtually yourself, be established to be unadulterated to your own fracas (and don’t cite anyone else!).
Analyzing the яхтинг
If you are article considerably basketball, you be indebted bear witness to the regulations of the game.
“Basketball is a join спорт in which five players promptly at to lots in the vicinity shooting the ball backing of a hoop. The basketball hoop is 10 feet on the exceed of the credo, allowing players to harm from there. Preciseness in shooting helps your finance sitting sidestep screechy in the game. The two teams contend on a rectangular court that allows repayment entirely despite ball dribbling and passing. A actor’s dribbles and passes should be aimed at on the succeed closer to the opponent’s hoop.”
“A together feels blithesome and enthused in the aura the wager on when they insigne on the inimical troupe’s hoop. The pair with the highest multitudes at the raison d'etre of the meet wins the game. The crowd smudge in the contention is unwavering at wellnigh beginning throws into the baskets. A collaborate should fail it sole's all to outperform its opponents on scoring more points in the basket. Barter for a apropos playing proof, a человек needs to derogate in basketball fouls and violations.”
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